Blur

Issues and disruptions are the primary reason why an IT is needed.  The main goal is to mitigate operation's interruption, but in real life I don't solve them.  I sleep with them instead.

This is the point in time where "what if's" can't haunt me anymore.  This is the chapter that I have to think ahead and seize every moment.  I didn't complain, but I used to tell how I suffer pain.  I don't know whom I should recent, or if there would be someone to blame.  What I'm certain about is I did not know who I really am.

I didn't know how far I could go until I started walking; I was not aware of being patient until waiting is my only option.  I was only convinced that I could read when I learned to understand; I didn't know that I could be compassionate until I tried listening.  I didn't know that I could love until tears caught me.  My life bounces back and forth inside the four corners of my room, and of my work station. Three fourths of me is thankful and blessed, but the latter part still asks if this is really life.  If this is it, how can I bring it into the Holy will of God?  When in fact I have devoted myself into literals.

Pleasure is in the eye of the people who see me along my way, and how they wish they could also stand on my shoes.  But pleasure is only in the eye.. not every person like me finds the real happiness.  I've got what I've been praying for, and I love where I'am today, but in return I have to leave home and continue the journey with me and myself.  It was then that I realized that we cannot have it all.  I've traveled into space and time, I make my life the train instead of making it the station.  But it doesn't filled with enormous light, that provoked me to learn how to kill life.  Now it leads me to merely living...

I just breath....

Martyrs

"To be a Saint, means to be yourself."

I wasn't born in a church, nor studied in a Catholic School.  My Family is just an ordinary followers of God, whom I followed when I was still young.  I'm not like the church goers who memorize the characters found in the Bible, and not a consistent Bible reader.  I may never know all the prayers, and all the stuffs that a Catholic must know.  All I ever know is that there is God, He handles the pen of my life (even the pen of my love story), and He walks with me.  I'm not like the other people who claim for their strong beliefs and faith, because honestly, I'm not like them.  If there's a word that could describe me as a daughter of God, I'll be one of the people who consider themselves as prodigal sons & daughters of God.

Many years ago, I remember the little Cris sleeping inside the church. I couldn't imagine myself listening to the "sermon" of the Priest because I was so impatient.  It was so hot, and I couldn't contain the dizziness that I felt when I attend the morning mass.  By then, I hated Sunday.  Through the years, God allowed me to marvel: to understand the real meaning of faith; to realize how love becomes God, and vice versa.  I know He had been waiting me to walk towards Him, and seek His kingdom.

I could still remember the time when I met someone who brought me to God's kingdom.  He was actually a symbol of a person who has a strong faith and love to God.  He was my first love.  Technically, he played a very special role in my life, but sometimes people we met along our journey would just teach us a lesson, and far different from the role that we expect them to portray.  He didn't do anything, he just love God above all, and showed it through his willingness to sacrifice everything just for his family.  The good thing about it is he was so contagious.  Like him, I love my family and I could also trade everything in return just for their sake, but the lesson that he taught me is a legacy.  He brought me closer to God.

After that sudden change happened within me few years ago, I have drawn an intimate relationship with God.  I'm trying to be a good daughter not just to my parents, but to Him.  I keep on trying to attend the mass on every Catholic's day of obligation, and I'm trying to keep my faith.  I become fond of listening to God's seven last words every Holy week, and to idolize His martyrs.

One of my favorite Saint is St. Giovani Bosco.  A priest who have done everything for his boys.  He loved the youth, the Church, his mother, his family, and God.  I'm not a Bosconian, but he is very significant to me. I remember the year when his relic visited our town.  It was a great experience with the youth  and all the "usi citizen" who indeed so curious if the statue was genuine.  Actually it was just an ivory, but saint's right hand, who happened to be the reason of his canonization was embedded inside the prototype's chest.  It was a sacred day for me, because it was the time when I whispered something into him through prayers.  I know with God's grace, and through St. John Bosco, that something has been granted.  And that might be the reason why I'm here to where I' am today.

St. John Bosco, St. Theresa and all martyrs were just an ordinary people driven by great love and sacrifice.  They know what they want and docile to listen to God's calling.  I hope to be like them, not the as canonized martyrs, not the priesthood and novice side, but to be driven by great compassion, strong faith, and brave heart that whatever may come, their love & faith to God will be steadfast.

I can feel how God longs to each and everyone of us...  If only the world could teach his people to be a Saint, then maybe life on earth will be like heaven...

St. Giovanni "John" Bosco, Jan. 11, 2011